Difficulty: Explorer (Level 1)
It is clear that you care about your brother, but the burden of keeping this secret must be difficult.
The guilt you feel is a sign of your good character. This feeling means you have values that matter to you. That is something to respect about yourself. But when you keep secrets that involve lying, even if you know it is bad and feel bad about it, the guilt will not go away. It tends to grow heavier over time.
Your brother made a choice and, by asking you to hide it, put you in an unfair position. That’s a lot of pressure to place on someone who cares about him.
Telling your parents the truth is not about getting your brother “in trouble”. It’s about honesty and giving him a chance to correct his mistakes. Sometimes, the best way to love someone is to let them face the results of their mistakes.
This gives them the chance to learn, take responsibility and grow.
If you choose to tell your parents, it may be a good idea to talk to your brother first. Let him know you care about him, but that you can’t keep this secret any longer. Give him the chance to tell your parents himself.
If he refuses, you can let him know that you need to share the truth.
This question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist, director of therapy and counselling at Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre and founder of Your Relationship Clinic
