Do you have a personal question you’ve been too afraid to ask? Whether it is about school, family or your social life, you can share it with us through this form. Don’t worry, you’ll remain anonymous.
Dear Friend,
I have autism, but my parents don’t accept my diagnosis. They force me to do things that are difficult or painful for me, like making eye contact and expressing emotions. They also try to stop me from doing things I love and find calming, like swimming and focusing on my special interests. I can’t talk to them about this. What should I do?
Signed, Hurt and Confused
Dear Hurt and Confused,
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation. It seems your family members are pressuring you to hide your natural traits and interests related to autism, which must be very distressing for you. It can be especially challenging when loved ones have expectations that don’t align with our experiences or needs.
Here are some suggestions that might help.
Understand your parents’ perspectives
It is common for family members to have difficulty accepting neurodiversity. Your parents may wish for you to appear more typical due to concerns about your future, even if their approach causes you distress. By trying to understand their perspective, you can better determine how to approach them.
Communicate your perspective
If having direct conversations with your parents feels overwhelming, you might want to try alternative ways to express yourself. For example, writing a letter can help you organise your thoughts and share your feelings without the immediate pressure of a face-to-face discussion.
In your letter, you could explain how your parents’ restrictions make you feel by using “I” statements (for example, “I feel hurt when I am forced to make more eye contact or show more emotion”).
Additionally, let your parents know how distressed you feel when you are not allowed to engage with your special interests. Explain the importance of these interests for your well-being, such as reducing anxiety and stress, recharging your energy and providing joy and a sense of achievement.
Besides writing letters, you could consider involving a mediator, such as a trusted family friend or relative, to help facilitate communication with your parents.
Educate your parents
Family members sometimes need more information about autism to better understand your experiences and foster acceptance. Providing resources or encouraging them to learn more about autism can be helpful. You can share educational materials like books, short videos or articles about autism.
Additionally, encourage your parents to attend family support programmes designed to help them understand and accept children with autism.
Build a support network
Connecting with individuals who understand autism – such as support groups, social services or text-based helplines – can provide emotional support and practical advice.
Seek support from professionals
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and help you develop effective coping strategies. Additionally, a family session with a professional can be beneficial. These sessions can help explain the diagnosis and emphasise the importance of support, which can assist your parents in understanding and meeting your needs.
Things will get better, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative under the Department of Health launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.
