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Dear Friend,
My older sister just started college overseas, and things aren’t the same between us any more. We used to be super close, but now it feels like we can’t even talk. I understand she’s busy with classes and making new friends, but it hurts when she takes a long time to reply to my messages.
She’s always been the person I go to for everything, and I feel left out. What can I do?
Sincerely, Ignored
Dear Ignored,
We can understand why you are sad: you’re confused and miss your sister, as you were so close. We also appreciate your effort in understanding your sister’s situation.
Going to university overseas involves significant adjustments for the whole family, and many siblings face challenges when someone leaves home. Here are some suggestions that may help as you navigate these changes.
– Acknowledge and take the time to process the sadness. It is normal to be sad when someone close to you moves away; separation anxiety, fear of loneliness and other related emotions are common. Take your time to adjust.
– Maintain your daily routine and self-development. While your sister has been a source of support in the past, you need to maintain and cultivate your own self-care habits, hobbies, independence, and meaningful relationships with others. Spend time doing activities you like, treasure your personal goals, and hang out with your friends to further your development and interpersonal relationships.
I don’t like that my sister lies to our parents. What should I do?
– Seek support from your friends. Talk to someone you trust who’s not your sister so you can share your worries and vent. Close friends, parents, and teachers are good people to share your thoughts and feelings with. They can also give you new perspectives and constructive suggestions. Talk to a school counsellor for additional resources.
– Be patient and respect your sister. It is good that you recognise your sister’s need to adjust and find a balance between her academic and social life. Give her time to settle into her new routine and avoid assuming that her communication delay shows decreased affection for you. Ungrounded speculations tend to foster more ill feelings than help the situation.
– Communicate openly and with compassion. Reach out to your sister and express how you’ve been feeling. Let her know you miss the closeness you once shared and would appreciate more frequent communication, even if it’s brief. Wish her the best and focus on sharing your genuine emotions to help build the bond between you two.
Your sister’s overseas academic journey has changed how you communicate, but that doesn’t mean your relationship will get worse. Hang in there!
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
If you are looking for someone to talk to, please consider checking out the Open Up online service.
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.
