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Dear Friend,
This guy in my class and I are just friends, but everyone keeps saying that we are dating, and now it is super weird between us. How do I get them to stop?
Signed, Just Friends
Help! Can I stop my classmate from copying my work without losing friends?
Dear Just Friends,
Unfortunately, teasing someone about a potential “love interest” is common teenage group behaviour. You may have seen this type of teasing before or even possibly took part in it in some way.
What is teasing?
Teasing is a way of provoking someone, often with the intention to playfully make fun of them. But sometimes it can go too far. We can separate teasing behaviour into three different types: playful, mean and instigating.
Playful
This type of teasing is between people who are friendly with each other. For example, two cousins at a family dinner ask others who their favourite is. It usually includes jokes that do not hurt or upset others.
Mean
This type of teasing is different. It is mean and hurtful, usually attacking a person and highlighting something that they are or might become unhappy about. It can be or feel like criticism.
Instigation
This type of teasing feels like pressure or a challenge. When people tease you in this way, they are trying to tempt you to do something – as if they are daring you. Sometimes, this type of teasing can be a way to encourage someone to take action and try something that their friends feel would be a positive experience. But the teasing should take place within a friendship, where those involved have a healthy and positive relationship.
In your situation, the people teasing you may not know that they are hurting you. Here is what you can do:
Talk to your friend and the group
Make a pact with your guy friend to stop reacting to the teasing. Instead of pushing back or avoiding the comments, respond with a simple, “We’re just friends, nothing more.” Keep calm and be firm. You could also try, “Sorry to disappoint guys! There’s nothing going on here.”
Stay cool and collected
Remind yourself that if you do not show that you are bothered, eventually, others will get bored and move on. You know who you like and who you don’t like.
Hang in there, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Lolita Schmalenberg, a psychotherapist and teen and adult therapist at Lifespan Counselling
