Difficulty: Challenger (Level 2)
You might have had your suspicions. Why does your brother always end up with the fewest chores? Why does your sister get all the attention?
Dr Amanda Oswalt Visher is the director of psychological services at SPOT. This is a children’s therapy centre in Hong Kong. She said parents favouring one child over another is a real problem that can seriously impact kids. “Parental favouritism happens when one or both parents show that they prefer one child over another,” said Visher. “There are different reasons for this. It can be due to how proud parents are of a particular child or how close the bond is.”
This may surprise some, but gender and birth order can also play a part. “Mums are more likely to have a favourite child. Dads tend to be more lenient with female children. In addition, firstborns and last-borns usually get more attention,” she added.
Favouritism is natural
Visher explained that most parents feel closer to one child, even if they do not realise it. However, this can affect how siblings get along.
They may feel jealous towards the favoured child. This can continue when they’re grown. It can also make it hard for them to get along with their parents and each other.
Visher said to talk to your parents about how you feel. This is especially important if you think they haven’t been paying you enough attention. But first, consider if you’ve also tried to be nicer to them. Sometimes, the brother or sister who spends more time working on the relationship becomes closer to them.
Then, think about situations when you felt your siblings were treated better. When you talk to your parents about your feelings, you can use these examples to explain yourself.
“Parents may not be aware of their behaviour. Bringing up these examples can help them see what’s happening from your point of view.”
If you are the favourite ...
If your parents seem to favour you more, remind your siblings that your parents love all their children for different reasons. Talk about your siblings’ achievements and things they are good at. Make sure they know how much you love and care for them.
And if you are comfortable enough, you can speak to your parents about their behaviour. However, Visher stressed that it is not your job to fix this problem. Always ask another grown-up or professional for advice if things get too tough.
Suggested answers
Before you read: Answers may vary.
Stop and think: Dr Visher said that a parent’s pride in their child, their closeness, gender and birth order could all play a role in potential favouritism.
Consider: You can try to connect with your parents and be nicer to them. Additionally, talk to your parents about how you feel, and use specific examples of when you felt your parents favoured your sibling over you.
