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Dear Friend,
I’m really struggling. I’ve always felt pressured by expectations, and I push myself so hard to meet them. I study, do my assignments and try my best on every test. I used to feel like I was doing well, and my teacher seemed to appreciate my efforts.
But recently, my grade in one subject dropped, and it feels like everything has changed. My teacher seems disappointed, and they’ve stopped calling on me in class. Now they ask my classmates instead, and I feel completely ignored. It’s making me feel like a total failure. What can I do?
Signed, Struggling
Dear Struggling,
Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling; it takes a lot of courage to open up about these struggles. It sounds incredibly tough to feel like you’re carrying the weight of high expectations, only to face a setback with your grade and notice a shift in how your teacher interacts with you.
First, it’s important to know that one grade or one moment does not define your worth or your abilities. You’ve worked so hard, and that effort shows your strength and dedication.
It’s OK to feel disappointed, but please don’t let this one experience make you doubt yourself. You are so much more than a single outcome.
It might help to take these small steps to address how you’re feeling:
Talk to your teacher: Perhaps your teacher doesn’t realise how their actions affect you. A kind, honest conversation, maybe saying something like, “I’ve noticed I’m not being called on as much, and I’m feeling left out”, could open the door to understanding their perspective and sharing yours. Teachers appreciate when students show they care about their learning.
Reflect on your efforts: Take a moment to acknowledge all the hard work you’ve put in. Maybe write down a few things you’re proud of, even small wins, to remind yourself of your strengths. This can help balance out the negative feelings.
Be kind to yourself: Pressure to meet expectations can be exhausting. Give yourself permission to rest and do something you enjoy, even for a little while. It’s OK to take breaks and not be perfect.
Reach out for support: If you feel comfortable, talk to a trusted friend, family member or school counsellor about what’s going on. Sometimes, sharing your feelings with someone who cares can make these emotions feel lighter.
You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s normal to struggle sometimes. If these feelings of being a failure persist or feel overwhelming, a counsellor or therapist can help you work through them and build strategies to feel more confident.
You’re doing your best, and that’s something to be proud of. We believe in you, and we’re rooting for you as you navigate this challenging time.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist and the director of therapy and counselling at The Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre and founder of Your Relationship Clinic
