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Dear Friend,
My classmate, who sits next to me, copies my homework all the time. I let her because she is popular, and being associated with her has helped me make friends. I am worried if I stop, I will lose the friends I have made. What should I do?
From, Copycat Averse
Help! My neighbour is loud and might be abusing her children
Dear Averse,
We understand feeling conflicted about your situation. It is entirely normal to want to maintain certain friendships, especially when they have helped you become more connected.
That said, it is important to recognise that copying homework is not only against school rules but can also hinder both you and your classmate’s learning and growth. Here are a few suggestions:
Evaluate the friendship
It is natural to desire social acceptance and connection with others.
However, it’s also important to recognise that this situation affects your integrity and personal growth; constantly trying to please your popular classmate will affect your values and self-esteem.
A healthy friendship is built on loyalty, respect and trust. True friends support each other and express concern when one risks making mistakes that will lead to harmful consequences.
These qualities create a foundation where both individuals feel safe and comfortable being themselves.
Take some time to reflect on your friendship with your classmate. Does the relationship align with your values and contribute to your growth? Your answer can guide you in deciding what steps to take next.
Set boundaries
True friends respect your values and boundaries. If you want to stop allowing your classmate to copy your homework, communicate this clearly and kindly.
Remind her that many experienced teachers are adept at detecting cheating, and the best and safest way for both of you to learn and enjoy peace of mind is to take part in school with academic integrity.
Setting boundaries reflects your values and encourages others to respect you. It is possible to maintain genuine friendships without compromising your principles.
Help! My friends betray my confidence and share my secrets
Suggest alternatives
Instead of allowing your classmate to copy your work, offer to help her understand the material. You could say, “Would you like to study together? I could show you how I approach our homework.” Alternatively, you can ask someone who is better capable of teaching, so your classmate can meet her study needs.
Stay open-minded
Change can be inconvenient and uncomfortable, and it’s normal to feel frustrated about losing friends. But change can also give you the opportunity to make new friendships based on mutual interests, respect and loyalty.
Taking part in group activities, study sessions and school events can help you connect with classmates who share your goals and values. Remember, birds of a feather flock together.
Look for support
Don’t hesitate to talk to trusted friends, family or teachers about your feelings. They may have constructive ideas that will help you overcome this situation.
Best of luck, Friend of a Friend
If you need further help or someone to talk to, here are some useful links:
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative under the Department of Health launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health
