Dear Friend,
I am the middle child in my family. My dad gives a lot of attention to my older brother, while my mum spends most of her time with my younger sister, who is sick. I often feel left out and unwanted by my family. What can I do to get my parents’ attention?
Signed, Feeling Like Leftovers
Dear Leftovers,
It is entirely understandable to feel overlooked, especially when it seems like your older brother and younger sister receive more attention.
Your decision to seek advice shows your willingness to engage in constructive dialogue, which is a crucial step towards finding a resolution.
Although we may not be able to fix the situation between you and your family instantly, we do have some suggestions for you to consider.
Give yourself time
We understand your frustration and disappointment.
Negative emotions can be challenging, but they are still meaningful. In your case, they may reflect your longing for your parents’ love and acknowledgement.
Take the time to explore the reasons behind these feelings. This can lead to a better understanding of yourself and help you express your thoughts more clearly.
Express your feelings
Children are completely justified in seeking attention, support and love from their parents. Opening up to your parents is a crucial step in getting what you need.
If you feel nervous about sharing your feelings, there are different ways you can try to communicate. Consider writing a letter, sending a text or recording a voice message.
These methods can give you more time to think through what you want to say and allow your parents the chance to process your message. While communicating, try to maintain a respectful tone and avoid placing blame on your parents or siblings. Also, keep an open mind and consider your parents’ perspectives.
Try to think of concrete ways that your parents can help you feel included and cared for. It could be as simple as going to buy groceries together or taking a short walk to chat about how you’re doing.
Take care of yourself
There might be valid reasons your parents cannot spend as much time with you as you would want. Are there other people in your life who can also help support you?
If your parents are busy, you can try reaching out to friends, teachers or another trusted adult. But of course, if there are urgent matters, it is important that your parents make time to help you.
Focusing on self-care is also crucial. Getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, staying active, pursuing hobbies and spending time with friends can improve your health, reduce stress and enhance your relationships.
Seek help if necessary
Communication is vital to the well-being of each family member. If this situation continues to trouble you even after discussing it with your parents, reach out to someone you trust, such as a teacher, social worker, counsellor or psychologist. They can help you find more support.
If you are looking for someone to talk to, please consider the resources listed below.
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24/7 Mental Health Support Hotline (Tel: 18111)
Things are going to be OK,
Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative under the Department of Health launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.
