Difficulty: Explorer (Level 1)
Sometimes, family members talk about each other because they care, feel upset or want to understand something. What they say might not be meant to hurt you.
But it can still make you feel sad, especially if you hear it from someone else. Here’s what you can do.
Take time to feel your feelings
Give yourself space to think about how you feel. You might try writing in a notebook or talking to a friend or a school counsellor.
Talk to a family member you trust
Pick a good time to talk about what you heard. You can say something like, “I heard things the other night that made me upset, and I want to know what’s going on.” Stay calm and listen to what they say, too. Talking to one person first can be easier than talking to everyone at once.
Be honest about what you want
If you want your family to be more open with you, let them know. For example, you could say, “I really want us to talk to each other directly instead of behind each other’s backs.” This shows you care about having better relationships.
Focus on what you can control
You cannot change how others act, but you can control how you respond. Stay kind and honest. That could encourage your family to do the same. Families are not perfect; they don’t always get it right.
If things don’t get better right away, don’t give up. Keep talking to them, and if you need extra support, think about asking a counsellor for help.
This question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist, the director of therapy and counselling at the Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre and founder of Your Relationship Clinic.
