Difficulty: Explorer (Level 1)
It is important to tell your friend when something makes you uncomfortable, even if they are just joking. It is called setting a boundary and means you are explaining how you want to be treated. It can keep your friendship happy and healthy.
Have a conversation with your friend. You can start by saying, “I want to talk about something that makes me feel uncomfortable.” Here are some tips to remember.
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Pick a time when you both feel relaxed
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Use “I” statements. This is a good way to express your feelings without blaming your friend. For example, you could say, “I feel a bit uncomfortable when you slap my back because it sometimes hurts.”
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Suggest a different way to be funny that doesn’t hurt. You could say: “If something is really funny, could we do a high-five instead?”
A real friend will think about how you feel and will change what they do if you ask. But if they don’t listen to you or keep being mean after you’ve asked them to stop, you should think about whether they are really a good friend.
This question was answered by Clare Pemberton, a psychotherapist and founder of Ember Wellness HK.
