Difficulty: Explorer (Level 1)
From the time we are born, humans naturally tend to hide or isolate themselves when hurt. When feeling sad or lonely, we seek comfort from others.
It is normal to feel scared or unsafe when you ask for comfort. This is because to get comfort, you have to show someone that you are hurting, and they might reject you. If you hide from people, you avoid getting hurt. It makes you feel like you are in control again.
It is also completely fine to feel two different ways at the same time. Both feelings are OK. You can tell yourself: “Part of me wants to hide from everyone, and part of me wants people to care about me. It is OK to feel both.”
You can also ask yourself a question: “If I hide myself away, how will anyone know I am hurting?”
It is important to know that hiding is only temporary. You can choose to let people see you again. When you do, you give them a fair chance to show that they care.
The goal is not to get rid of one feeling. It is to listen to both feelings and find a balance. Try to spend time with people who care about you and give you what you need. Also, practise taking care of yourself. When you support yourself, you will feel stronger and less hurt when difficult things happen.
This question was answered by James Yu, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the Hang Seng University of Hong Kong
