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Stephanie Ng remembers how stressful family dinners were when she was a teenager in Hong Kong.
“On the one hand, I wanted to finish everything on my plate because I knew that would make my grandmother happy,” said the 27-year-old founder of Body Banter, a charity that helps young people discuss body image and mental health.
But at the same time, Ng saw and heard a different message from “perfect” women in popular culture. They would say: “I have to watch how much I ate and control my body.”
These conflicting cultural expectations are the focus of a chapter in Ng’s memoir, Big Bites Break Boundaries, in which she shares more about her relationship with food and her body.
The chapter titled “Rice Bowls and Pimples” refers to a common Chinese saying used to encourage children to finish their meals. Every rice grain left in the bowl is said to be a pimple on a future wife or husband.
Ng has been speaking about her book, published in January, at secondary schools.
She said students related to this chapter in particular.
Many people might not think much about the impact of messages they received in their daily lives from conversations with others or social media, she said.
But these messages can shape our values, beliefs and attitudes, forming unrealistic ideas about who we “should” be and how we “should” behave.
In some cases, this can lead to the development of mental health problems.
More help needed
Ng, who has a master’s degree in clinical psychology, said many youngsters still did not have enough support for conditions such as those linked to body image.
She said these issues were often not considered as important.
Authorities have been targeting mental health concerns among teens.
They recently extended the operation of a system used to seek help for students at risk of suicide and relaxed some of its procedures.
But Ng said many mental health campaigns and awareness initiatives often focused on medical information and data, rather than real-life stories.
In her discussions with students, Ng has seen just how much is lacking in current campaigns.
“That’s when I noted that despite increased awareness of these topics, many teens still find it difficult to talk about their mental health struggles,” Ng said.
Stories of personal mental health battles, such as those in Ng’s memoir, can make experiences easier to understand. They can also help balance out facts and figures.
“I believe these stories, no matter how they are told, can be very helpful. Some stories are very straightforward and show a clear path to recovery,” Ng said.
She added: “However, not all recovery stories have a fairy tale ending, and that’s perfectly fine. These stories teach us that it’s OK to be in the middle of our journey, without a clear-cut outcome.”
Hearing from others
Teens often feel isolated in their struggles.
Personal stories from others can also help them to see they are not alone.
“Stories of people’s lived experiences can gently remind us of how our views can be shaped by interactions with family, friends and social messaging,” Ng said.
“I often say, ‘culture is the water we swim in’. We’re often so immersed in our culture that we don’t notice the powerful ways that it can influence our lives.”
She said recognising the role of culture could help youngsters take appropriate steps to address mental health issues, such as speaking to a school counsellor or a trusted adult.
Ng also urged students to look at campaigns such as Mind HK’s “More than a Label” initiative, which aims to tackle negative ideas towards mental health by sharing stories of recovery.
She said the charity’s storytellers had been trained by mental health professionals to share in a way that was emotionally safe for both themselves and listeners.
“Recovery stories can be a source of inspiration for teens who are going through a tough time with their mental health. But don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel like you are stuck in a cycle,” Ng said.
“Each time you acknowledge and face a challenge, you are gaining experience to deal with it. Remember, you are making progress, even if it’s just small steps at a time.”
If you have suicidal thoughts, or you know someone who is, help is available. For Hong Kong, dial +852 18111 for the government-run “Mental Health Support Hotline” or +852 2896 0000 for The Samaritans and +852 2382 0000 for Suicide Prevention Services. In the US, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
For a list of other nations’ helplines, see this page.
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