Do you have a personal question you’ve been too afraid to ask? Whether it is about school, family or your social life, you can share it with us through this form. Don’t worry, you’ll remain anonymous.
Dear Friend,
I feel like my friends keep back-stabbing me. They act nice when I talk to them, but I found out what they’re really saying.
One friend let me borrow his phone, and I saw a group chat called “Our Group”. All my classmates are in the chat except me. The chat was about how I suck and how bad I am, and there were lots of insults.
It makes me feel so angry and humiliated that I constantly want to get back at them by stealing their things, even when I know I shouldn’t. What should I do?
Sincerely, Backstabbed
Dear Backstabbed,
What you are going through is genuinely heavy. Discovering that nearly your entire class has created a private space to mock you is coordinated social exclusion, and it crosses into bullying.
Your anger, humiliation, and desire to strike back are very human reactions to betrayal. It is also mature to recognise that acting on that urge, like stealing, would only compromise your values and give them more ammunition.
Protecting your integrity is the strongest move you can make. Here are some steps for navigating the situation.
Talk to a trusted staff member
Bullying situations are notoriously tricky for teens to navigate, and you should not have to figure this out by yourself.
Many schools have anti-bullying protocols in place specifically for situations like this. Speaking to a trusted teacher or counsellor does not mean you are getting anyone in trouble; it means you are asking for support from people who can help.
You can share what is happening without naming exactly how you found out, and staff can often address class dynamics through group activities or anonymous interventions. Remember that you deserve to feel safe at school.
Set your boundaries
If you feel emotionally ready and safe, consider speaking to one person from the group you have historically felt closest to.
Keep it short, calm, and focused on your boundary, not their guilt. You might say: “I know there is a group chat where people talk about me. This is not respectful.”
The purpose is not to fix the situation or to get an apology, but to make it clear that you will not stay silent while being treated poorly. It could open a discussion that leads to clarity.
Widen your world
When your entire class is part of the problem, it may be time to make new friends. Look for communities where your classmates do not set the social tone: a community sports league, a youth club, a volunteer group, or a hobby class such as art, coding, music or debate.
Shared interests bypass school social politics and connect you with people who choose to spend time with you because they genuinely enjoy your company. You do not have to wait for this class to mature to build real friendships.
Redirect the anger
The urge to retaliate is your brain’s attempt to reclaim power after feeling humiliated. Instead of feeding into something that could compromise your self-respect, channel it into physical and creative outlets. Run, make art, journal the rawest version of your thoughts and tear it up, make music, or pour that energy into a goal that moves you away from this environment.
When you choose your long-term peace over short-term revenge, this is a quiet victory. Remember, their behaviour reflects their own insecurity and poor judgment, not your worth.
School social dynamics are loud but also temporary. Protect your peace, build connections beyond the school walls, and do not let their cruelty shrink your future. You have already shown strength by reaching out. Keep going!
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Clare Pemberton, founder and psychotherapist at Ember Wellness HK.
