Do you have a personal question you’ve been too afraid to ask? Whether it is about school, family or your social life, you can share it with us through this form. Don’t worry, you’ll remain anonymous.
Dear Friend,
I recently started hanging out with a group of friends who are really cool and fun, but they tend to stay out late. My parents are becoming upset because I keep missing my 6pm curfew. I don’t want to lose these friends, so I need some help with this situation.
Signed, Torn
Dear Torn,
I understand how torn you feel right now, and that is completely understandable. You have found friends that you really enjoy, but it also matters to you to honour your parents’ rules. Being caught between these two things is genuinely difficult.
It is important to remember that true friends will understand and respect your boundaries. If your friends are as understanding as you believe, they will not hold it against you if you need to leave early. You might consider being honest with them: let them know you have a 6pm curfew and suggest hanging out earlier in the day or on weekends when you have more flexibility. You will often find that friends are willing to adjust their plans if it means you can join them.
It is also worth having an open conversation with your parents about your curfew. They care about you, which is why they set this rule. Consider asking them if there is any flexibility for special occasions or if you can work towards earning a later curfew by being responsible and keeping them informed.
Show them that you understand their concerns and want to find a compromise. Make sure to have this discussion outside of the specific situation when you want to leave.
When we ask for things in the heat of the moment, it can feel like “pushing back”. You can suggest a trial period. For example, if you consistently make it home by 5pm for two weeks, ask if you can extend the curfew to 7pm on Fridays. This frames the curfew not as a sentence, but as a boundary that can move as trust is earned.
The truth is, you don’t have to choose between your parents and your friends. What you’re really looking for is a way to honour both relationships. That might mean some compromise on all sides – maybe you can’t stay out as late as your friends every time, but you can still be part of the group. And if your parents see you’re being mature and communicative about this, they might be more willing to work with you.
What matters most is staying true to yourself and the people who care about you. It can feel complicated now because you are in a transition phase of your life, gaining independence while still needing a safety net. If you handle this with honesty, you will eventually gain the trust of your parents.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist, director of therapy and counselling at Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre and founder of Your Relationship Clinic.
