Do you have a personal question you’ve been too afraid to ask? Whether it is about school, family or your social life, you can share it with us through this form. Don’t worry, you’ll remain anonymous.
Dear Friend,
Now that my mother is pregnant, I have to help out much more around the house. But this is starting to affect my schoolwork. How can I tell my parents to reduce my chores so I can focus on my studies?
Sincerely, Drowning in Chores
Dear Drowning in Chores,
Thank you for reaching out about this situation. It is clear that you care about both your family and your education, which demonstrates real maturity.
First, I want to acknowledge that your feelings are completely valid. When family dynamics change, such as with the arrival of a new baby, it is natural for responsibilities to shift. However, your concerns about your schoolwork are important and deserve attention.
Here are some thoughts on how to approach this conversation with your parents.
Choose the right moment to talk
Look for a calm time when your parents aren’t rushed or stressed. You could say something like, “Mum and Dad, I’d like to talk to you about balancing my chores and schoolwork. When would be a good time for you?”
Start with appreciation
Let them know that you understand why you’re needed more right now and that you want to help with the new baby. This shows you’re not trying to avoid responsibility altogether.
Be specific about the impact. Share concrete examples of how the increased number of chores is affecting your studies. For instance, are you staying up late to finish homework, missing assignment deadlines or having trouble concentrating?
Providing these details helps your parents understand the real situation.
Come with solutions, not just problems
Consider what might work better. Could you do certain chores on weekends instead of weeknights? Could responsibilities be adjusted during exam periods? Demonstrating that you’ve thought this through shows maturity.
Make it clear that you want to support your family while also succeeding in school. You might phrase it like this: “I want to help prepare for the baby, but I’m also concerned about keeping up with my grades. Can we work together to find a balance?”
Remember, your education is an investment in your future, and good parents want that for you. They may not realise how much the increased workload is affecting you unless you tell them.
If the conversation doesn’t go as hoped initially, give it some time and try again. Sometimes, parents need a moment to process, especially when they’re dealing with pregnancy stress themselves.
You’re doing the right thing by seeking a solution rather than letting resentment build. That’s a valuable life skill that will serve you well beyond this situation.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist and founder of Your Relationship Clinic.
