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Dear Friend,
My mum is very superstitious about the number four. I recently got into the school basketball team, and my jersey number is four. She wants me to ask my coach for a different number. How can I persuade her that wearing a number four basketball jersey is not a problem?
Signed, Jersey Number Four
Dear Jersey Number Four,
Congratulations on making the basketball team! This is a significant achievement, and you should be very proud.
Seeking to understand your mother’s perspective rather than reacting with frustration demonstrates empathy that will benefit you both on and off the court.
It is completely understandable why this situation is stressful. After putting so much effort into making the team, the last thing you want is to have an awkward conversation with your coach about changing your jersey number.
Let’s reframe your mother’s concern not as an obstacle, but as a heartfelt expression of her love. In many cultures, the number four is associated with misfortune. When children step onto the sports field, parents often feel a profound lack of control over their safety. For your mother, focusing on the jersey number is likely a tangible way for her to try to protect you from injury.
To effectively handle this situation, avoid debating the logic behind superstitions, as deeply rooted cultural beliefs are not easily changed through argument.
Acknowledge her concerns verbally without directly endorsing the superstition itself. For example, you might say, “Mum, I understand that you want me to be safe, and I really appreciate how much you care about my well-being.”
Next, highlight that the jersey number is assigned by your coach and is not a personal choice. By presenting it as a fixed rule, you can alleviate any pressure associated with the decision.
Additionally, you can offer cognitive reframing by noting that different cultures have superstitions surrounding various numbers, which can help diminish the significance of this particular one.
It is essential to invite her to be part of your athletic journey.
The more she learns about your preparation and the structured nature of the sport, the more secure she will feel.
Finally, provide clear reassurance. Let her know that you will play mindfully and prioritise your safety during every game. Often, parental anxiety decreases significantly when they feel heard and see that their child is prepared.
Wear your jersey with confidence and stay focused on your performance. We wish you the best of luck in your games. You have the maturity to handle both the game and this relationship beautifully.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Tiffany Chiu, a child psychotherapist and play and behavioural therapist at Your Relationship Clinic
