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Dear Friend,
I accidentally heard my parents discuss moving to another country, but they haven’t said anything to me yet. I don’t want to move. How can I talk to them about this?
Signed, Staying Put
Dear Staying,
It must be unsettling to overhear something like that.
I can imagine you felt caught off guard, especially given how big a change it would involve. It is completely normal to feel anxious, sad or even angry about the idea of leaving behind your friends, school and everything you know.
Your feelings are valid, and it’s brave to want to address this directly with your parents. The good news is that open communication can make a huge difference. Here is a gentle way to approach the conversation.
Choose the right time and place
Pick a moment when everyone is calm and things are not rushed. This could be a family dinner or a quiet evening at home. Avoid bringing the topic up during an argument or when they are stressed.
Be honest and remain calm
You could begin by saying something like, “I accidentally overheard you talking about possibly moving to another country, and it’s been on my mind. I wanted to talk to you about it because I’m feeling worried.” This shows you are being upfront without accusing them of keeping secrets.
Use “I feel” statements
Focus on how you feel, not on blaming them. For example, “I feel scared about leaving my friends and school behind because it’s where I feel most comfortable,” or “I’m worried about starting over in a new place.” Hopefully, this will help them understand and focus on your perspective.
Listen to what they have to say
After sharing your thoughts, give your parents a chance to explain. They might have reasons for considering the move, like job opportunities or family needs, and hearing them out can help you feel more involved. Ask questions like, “What made you think about moving?” or “How soon might this happen?”
Brainstorm together
If they’re open to it, talk about what might make the transition easier if the move does happen. Consider things like visiting the new place first, staying connected with old friends online or finding ways to get excited about new adventures. If you’re strongly against the move, it’s OK to express that and suggest alternatives if you have any in mind.
Remember, your parents might not have all the details figured out yet. They could have been waiting for the right time to tell you. Talking about it now can help everyone feel more prepared, whatever the outcome is. An honest conversation can help you feel better.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist, director of therapy and counselling at The Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre and founder of Your Relationship Clinic
