Do you have a personal question you’ve been too afraid to ask? Whether it is about school, family or your social life, you can share it with us through this form. Don’t worry, you’ll remain anonymous.
Dear Friend,
I have been in a secret relationship for some time. Since the DSEs will be over soon, I want to introduce my girlfriend to my parents because we are serious about each other. However, my parents are anti-relationship. How do I tell them about us and show them that we are serious and will make it work?
Sincerely, Hidden Love
Dear Hidden,
Concealed love is a sensitive matter, so thank you for trusting us with your feelings. We understand that discussing this with your parents, especially given their anti-relationship stance, can be challenging. Here are some suggestions to help you navigate the conversation.
Take care of yourself
We understand your need to protect the relationship and gain your parents’ acceptance, since they seem to object to it. You might be feeling anxious and hopeful. This tension, combined with the ongoing stress of preparing for DSE, can take a significant toll on your mental health.
Maintaining healthy routines, such as getting good sleep, eating nutritious meals and exercising regularly, can help you stay emotionally steady and better manage your upcoming study challenges. Sticking to these routines also shows your parents that you have the self-discipline to take care of yourself and pursue your interests.
Planning the conversation
Here are some tips for talking to your parents about your relationship:
Before your chat, clearly think through the core messages you want to convey. Anticipate their concerns regarding your studies, time management, emotional stability and any other issues that may arise. This preparation will boost your confidence and lead to a more constructive discussion.
Choose a comfortable, calm moment for the conversation, such as during a casual weekend gathering, tea time or an outdoor walk. These settings can create a relaxed atmosphere.
Start by speaking with the parent you feel more comfortable with. In general, past experiences can indicate which of your parents is more easy-going and approachable, and how they are likely to respond. Speaking one-on-one also simplifies the conversation.
Approach the conversation respectfully and sincerely. You might begin with an empathetic statement, such as, “I appreciate how much you care about me, and I want to share something very personal.” You might also consider practising the conversation alone or rehearsing with a trusted person.
Be open to their responses
Prepare for the possibility that their reaction may not align with your expectations. That said, this conversation is an opportunity to better understand their views. Explore their specific concerns and ask how you could make them feel more comfortable and earn their acceptance.
Remember, parents often react out of worry and a desire to protect their children, and their initial resistance does not necessarily indicate a permanent rejection. It’s important to keep in mind that acceptance may take time. By maintaining an open mind and showing your willingness to engage with their perspectives, you can foster a more constructive dialogue.
If you feel overwhelmed, consider reaching out to a trusted adult, such as a teacher or counsellor, for support. Other resources include:
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Shall We Talk’s 24-hour mental health support hotline, available by messaging 18111 via WhatsApp or SMS
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Open Up, available on WhatsApp and SMS at 9101 2012
You’ve got this, Friend of a friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative under the Department of Health launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health
