Do you have a personal question you’ve been too afraid to ask? Whether it is about school, family or your social life, you can share it with us through this form. Don’t worry, you’ll remain anonymous.
Dear Friend,
Is it OK to not have a huge group of friends? Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out because I see everyone else posting about big group hangouts, but I prefer spending time alone or with just one or two close people.
Signed, Small Circle
Dear Small Circle,
It sounds like you’ve been noticing a small voice inside you that says, “Maybe I should have more friends, even though I don’t really feel like I want to.” That voice might ask, “Am I missing out?” It can be incredibly exhausting to find yourself in the middle of this internal tug of war, where your own instincts are telling you one thing but the world around you is screaming another.
Fear of missing out
When you see post after post of big group hangouts, it’s hard not to wonder if something is wrong with your way of socialising. This feeling is called FOMO: fear of missing out.
But those posts on social media are highlights, not day-to-day life. They are curated snapshots that usually show only the most exciting moments, completely leaving out the quiet, boring, or awkward ones.
People who seem to have a lot of fun in the posts can feel lonely or left out, even in a crowd. You are not alone in experiencing this feeling. It just means that you’re human and that belonging matters to you.
No one “right” way to have friends
Big group hangouts can be loud and fast-paced. Conversations might move fast, and it can be hard to talk deeply. Smaller group hangouts, say, one to three people, are usually where connection happens through meaningful conversations, inside jokes and feeling truly understood. Neither way is better; they’re just different. The depth of your bonds matters much more than the number of people in your phone.
Why do some people love small groups while others crave the crowd?
It often comes down to energy levels. Some people recharge by being alone or with one or two trusted friends. After a big party, they feel drained, not energised. Others get their fuel from the crowd. More people, more buzz. Neither is wrong nor weird. People’s batteries work differently.
If you wonder what it is like to be in a big group hangout, give yourself the opportunity to experience it. The most important thing is listening to your own needs. Spending time with one to two close friends and doing things alone are more than OK.
Hang in there, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by San Hung, a registered counselling psychologist and secondary school counsellor
